they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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