I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I smell stomach acid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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