i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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