If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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