if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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