My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're like the curious george of whores
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
