Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
