it hurts more in the daytime
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
