i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
