I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
