tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
