so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
