Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
