this is something i pride myself on being below average for
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
