i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
