Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found the puke drawer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
