just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
