I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
