Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
