Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
