He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the day after is always just damage control
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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