Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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