did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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