your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
