You can't special order awesome
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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