I'm pants shitting drunk right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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