yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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