look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
