The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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