well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
