when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
