i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
