I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
