Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
