did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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