did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The uberlube is also flammable
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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