i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
