I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
