His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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