then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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