I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
