Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
