Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just high enough for therapy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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