i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
