My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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