At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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