ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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