i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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