Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
