The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
