Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
