stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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