You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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