if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
