Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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