I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
