i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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