I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
