i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
