I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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