I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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