people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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