at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
