420 ftw
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even my farts smell like vagina
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
