I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
