I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
